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Este blog contém os emails (publicáveis) que enviei desde 2005. Quero ver se consigo mais espaço no gmail sem me desfazer da correspondência. Olhe, comente, critique, copie.

A ÚLTIMA DA SELEÇÃO
Depois de ver o primeiro jogo da seleção brasileira, Deus disse pro anjo:
- Gabriel, tem um jogador que está atrapalhando a seleção brasileira.
- O anjo respondeu: - Qual Senhor?
- Deus Disse: - AQUELE gordinho, careca e dentuço, COM CAMISA AMARELA ! Vai lá e traz ele aqui, que o tempo dele já acabou.
Acredita que a porra do anjo foi lá e levou o Bussunda por engano?
Os pais levam o filho de oito anos e a irmãzinha de 7para a igreja.
Eles sentam na primeira fila para que o menino possa
apreciar bem a missa.
Mas meninos de oito anos não costumam gostar de
igreja, principalmente esse.
E ele adormece no meio do sermão.
O padre nota isso, e decide dar-lhe um susto.
Ele faz uma pergunta direta para ele:
- E você, meu menino, diga quem foi que criou o céu e a terra ?
A irmã do guri espeta um alfinete na bunda do menino que acorda de
sobressalto e
grita:
- Meu Deus!
- Muito bem, meu filho - diz o padre.
Afinal, não esta errado... O pessoal que está por perto, olha para o
menino... Mas
daí a pouco o menino
volta a dormir, e o padre vê que precisa acordá-lo outra vez. Então ele
pergunta:
- E me responda agora, quem foi o filho de Maria e José?
A menina volta a enfiar um alfinete na bunda do menino, que acorda e diz
alto:
- Jesus!
O padre percebe o que aconteceu, mas não pode dizer nada. O povo
presta
ainda mais atenção no menino...
A resposta está correta !!!
Mas logo depois o menino cochila novamente e o padre pergunta:
- O que disse Eva para Adão quando eles acordaram após a primeira noite
juntos ?
Mas antes que a irmãzinha pudesse dar-lhe outra alfinetada, o menino berra:
- SE VOCÊ ENFIAR ESSE NEGÓCIO NA MINHA BUNDA DE NOVO EU TE ARREBENTO!!
--
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CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE
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proprietary or legally privileged information and it is intended only for
the use of the addressee named above. No confidentiality or privilege
is waived or lost by any mistransmission.
If you are not the intended recipient of this message you are hereby
notified that you must not use, disseminate, copy it in any form or take
any action in reliance on it. If you have received this message in error,
please, delete it (and any copies of it) and kindly inform the sender, of this
e-mail, by replying or go to www.pirelli.com.br on "Fale Conosco".
========================================================
A foto já diz tudo. Esta espécie de tábua para fatiar pão baguete (bisnaga) é legal demais. Feita em madeira certificada, ela possui vãos nas laterais para cortar de tamanho similar até 12 fatias de pão. Acompanha uma faca serrilhada, que quando não está sendo usada, fica encaixada em segurança na tábua-bandeja. Prática, ela evita sujeira e garante um belo efeito na mesa do café. "Fatiadamente legaus"!BELFAST (AFP) - "This is your captain speaking: er, I've landed at the wrong airport. Er, sorry."
A bungling pilot flew straight into the centre of an investigation Wednesday after mistakenly landing at a military airbase rather than the regular destination in Northern Ireland.
Thirty-nine passengers and six crew were on board a Ryanair flight from Liverpool, northwest England, which was due to touchdown at City of Derry airport.
However, the pilot cruised into Ballykelly airfield -- five miles (eight kilometres) away.
Surprised passengers were taken off and coached to City of Derry, leaving the plane grounded on the orders of concerned aviation authorities, who demanded an immediate investigation.
Budget airline Ryanair said the flight was operated by Eirjet on its behalf.
"This incident arose as a result of an error by the Eirjet's pilot who mistakenly believed he was on a visual approach to City of Derry airport," Ryanair said in a statement.
"The Eirjet pilot was cleared by Air Traffic Control in City of Derry for a visual approach and mistook the nearby Ballykelly for City of Derry.
Ryanair asked Eirjet to carry out a full investigation.
"In over seven years of Ryanair flights into City of Derry airport and over 20 years of Ryanair-operated flights, such a mistake has never occurred before."
Com o passar do tempo, foi compreendendo o que ele queria lhe dizer, e apesar de tudo que passou, não enlouqueceu. Conseguiu manter o garoto vivo, e o garoto fez a sua parte, cuidando dele. Cuida até hoje, no presente instante. É o melhor, talvez o seu único verdadeiro amigo. Foi graças a ele que pôde ter vários recomeços.
E assim finalmente chegara ali. Não suportaria, se não soubesse ser inevitável. Era o seu epílogo, e por algum motivo aquele posfácio estava se tornando um texto extenso. Seria doloroso sem a ajuda do moleque. Aquele quarto de hospital cheirava a velório.
Estava ligado a várias máquinas que o mantinham monitorado. Fazendo um rápido balanço, tinha agora 93 anos, 8 filhos, 13 netos, 4 bisnetos. Depois de várias tentativas, conseguira finalmente estabelecer o seu próprio negócio. Era um homem rico, mas aquele hospital de luxo estava saindo de graça, pago um plano de saúde que sempre lhe parecera supérfluo, mas que agora se justificava plenamente. Assim, a herança financeira ficara intacta, aguardando a hora de ser distribuída entre os seus. A herança moral, já havia distribuído ao longo dos anos.
Quando eventualmente acordava daquele sono profundo, nunca abria os olhos, malandramente não denunciava o seu retorno. Não tinha espaço para pieguismos, não queria ver os seus à sua volta chorando, lamentando pelo inexorável. A sua atenção se voltava para outras questões, mais divertidas. Mais que se incomodar com os tubos que o penetravam ou se concentrar nos pib-pibs das máquinas a que estava ligado, chamava por ele e ouvia de volta o moleque lá dentro perguntando: - e aí, vamos brincar?
Ele prazeirosamente respondia prendendo a respiração: passados alguns instantes, as máquinas ganhavam vida, todos os alarmes disparavam, vinham médicos e enfermeiras correndo como loucos! E como num passe de mágica, voltava a respirar, os indicadores voltavam ao normal, os médicos suspiravam de alívio e ficavam à sua volta em grupos preocupados, sussurrando de forma ansiosa, debatendo sobre o seu quadro clínico, sobre o que estaria provocando aquelas alterações, estabelecendo novos exames com urgência. E ele se divertia muito com todo aquele alvoroço. Quando todo o movimento acalmava, prendia a respiração de novo! Ahh, moleque!!!!
| Gallery: After Katrina | |
| • Top story: Bush: 'Results are not acceptable' |
| • Mayor lashes out at feds |
| • Gallery: Citizen journalists |
| • E-mail us: Send storm stories |
(CNN) -- New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin blasted the slow pace of federal and state relief efforts in an expletive-laced interview with local radio station WWL-AM.
The following is a transcript of WWL correspondent Garland Robinette's interview with Nagin on Thursday night. Robinette asked the mayor about his conversation with President Bush:
NAGIN: I told him we had an incredible crisis here and that his flying over in Air Force One does not do it justice. And that I have been all around this city, and I am very frustrated because we are not able to marshal resources and we're outmanned in just about every respect. (Listen to the mayor express his frustration in this video -- 12:09)
You know the reason why the looters got out of control? Because we had most of our resources saving people, thousands of people that were stuck in attics, man, old ladies. ... You pull off the doggone ventilator vent and you look down there and they're standing in there in water up to their freaking necks.
And they don't have a clue what's going on down here. They flew down here one time two days after the doggone event was over with TV cameras, AP reporters, all kind of goddamn -- excuse my French everybody in America, but I am pissed.
WWL: Did you say to the president of the United States, "I need the military in here"?
NAGIN: I said, "I need everything."
Now, I will tell you this -- and I give the president some credit on this -- he sent one John Wayne dude down here that can get some stuff done, and his name is [Lt.] Gen. [Russel] Honore.
And he came off the doggone chopper, and he started cussing and people started moving. And he's getting some stuff done.
They ought to give that guy -- if they don't want to give it to me, give him full authority to get the job done, and we can save some people.
WWL: What do you need right now to get control of this situation?
NAGIN: I need reinforcements, I need troops, man. I need 500 buses, man. We ain't talking about -- you know, one of the briefings we had, they were talking about getting public school bus drivers to come down here and bus people out here.
I'm like, "You got to be kidding me. This is a national disaster. Get every doggone Greyhound bus line in the country and get their asses moving to New Orleans."
That's -- they're thinking small, man. And this is a major, major, major deal. And I can't emphasize it enough, man. This is crazy.
I've got 15,000 to 20,000 people over at the convention center. It's bursting at the seams. The poor people in Plaquemines Parish. ... We don't have anything, and we're sharing with our brothers in Plaquemines Parish.
It's awful down here, man.
WWL: Do you believe that the president is seeing this, holding a news conference on it but can't do anything until [Louisiana Gov.] Kathleen Blanco requested him to do it? And do you know whether or not she has made that request?
NAGIN: I have no idea what they're doing. But I will tell you this: You know, God is looking down on all this, and if they are not doing everything in their power to save people, they are going to pay the price. Because every day that we delay, people are dying and they're dying by the hundreds, I'm willing to bet you.
We're getting reports and calls that are breaking my heart, from people saying, "I've been in my attic. I can't take it anymore. The water is up to my neck. I don't think I can hold out." And that's happening as we speak.
You know what really upsets me, Garland? We told everybody the importance of the 17th Street Canal issue. We said, "Please, please take care of this. We don't care what you do. Figure it out."
WWL: Who'd you say that to?
NAGIN: Everybody: the governor, Homeland Security, FEMA. You name it, we said it.
And they allowed that pumping station next to Pumping Station 6 to go under water. Our sewage and water board people ... stayed there and endangered their lives.
And what happened when that pumping station went down, the water started flowing again in the city, and it starting getting to levels that probably killed more people.
In addition to that, we had water flowing through the pipes in the city. That's a power station over there.
So there's no water flowing anywhere on the east bank of Orleans Parish. So our critical water supply was destroyed because of lack of action.
WWL: Why couldn't they drop the 3,000-pound sandbags or the containers that they were talking about earlier? Was it an engineering feat that just couldn't be done?
NAGIN: They said it was some pulleys that they had to manufacture. But, you know, in a state of emergency, man, you are creative, you figure out ways to get stuff done.
Then they told me that they went overnight, and they built 17 concrete structures and they had the pulleys on them and they were going to drop them.
I flew over that thing yesterday, and it's in the same shape that it was after the storm hit. There is nothing happening. And they're feeding the public a line of bull and they're spinning, and people are dying down here.
WWL: If some of the public called and they're right, that there's a law that the president, that the federal government can't do anything without local or state requests, would you request martial law?
NAGIN: I've already called for martial law in the city of New Orleans. We did that a few days ago.
WWL: Did the governor do that, too?
NAGIN: I don't know. I don't think so.
But we called for martial law when we realized that the looting was getting out of control. And we redirected all of our police officers back to patrolling the streets. They were dead-tired from saving people, but they worked all night because we thought this thing was going to blow wide open last night. And so we redirected all of our resources, and we hold it under check.
I'm not sure if we can do that another night with the current resources.
And I am telling you right now: They're showing all these reports of people looting and doing all that weird stuff, and they are doing that, but people are desperate and they're trying to find food and water, the majority of them.
Now you got some knuckleheads out there, and they are taking advantage of this lawless -- this situation where, you know, we can't really control it, and they're doing some awful, awful things. But that's a small majority of the people. Most people are looking to try and survive.
And one of the things people -- nobody's talked about this. Drugs flowed in and out of New Orleans and the surrounding metropolitan area so freely it was scary to me, and that's why we were having the escalation in murders. People don't want to talk about this, but I'm going to talk about it.
You have drug addicts that are now walking around this city looking for a fix, and that's the reason why they were breaking in hospitals and drugstores. They're looking for something to take the edge off of their jones, if you will.
And right now, they don't have anything to take the edge off. And they've probably found guns. So what you're seeing is drug-starving crazy addicts, drug addicts, that are wrecking havoc. And we don't have the manpower to adequately deal with it. We can only target certain sections of the city and form a perimeter around them and hope to God that we're not overrun.
WWL: Well, you and I must be in the minority. Because apparently there's a section of our citizenry out there that thinks because of a law that says the federal government can't come in unless requested by the proper people, that everything that's going on to this point has been done as good as it can possibly be.
NAGIN: Really?
WWL: I know you don't feel that way.
NAGIN: Well, did the tsunami victims request? Did it go through a formal process to request?
You know, did the Iraqi people request that we go in there? Did they ask us to go in there? What is more important?
And I'll tell you, man, I'm probably going get in a whole bunch of trouble. I'm probably going to get in so much trouble it ain't even funny. You probably won't even want to deal with me after this interview is over.
WWL: You and I will be in the funny place together.
NAGIN: But we authorized $8 billion to go to Iraq lickety-quick. After 9/11, we gave the president unprecedented powers lickety-quick to take care of New York and other places.
Now, you mean to tell me that a place where most of your oil is coming through, a place that is so unique when you mention New Orleans anywhere around the world, everybody's eyes light up -- you mean to tell me that a place where you probably have thousands of people that have died and thousands more that are dying every day, that we can't figure out a way to authorize the resources that we need? Come on, man.
You know, I'm not one of those drug addicts. I am thinking very clearly.
And I don't know whose problem it is. I don't know whether it's the governor's problem. I don't know whether it's the president's problem, but somebody needs to get their ass on a plane and sit down, the two of them, and figure this out right now.
WWL: What can we do here?
NAGIN: Keep talking about it.
WWL: We'll do that. What else can we do?
NAGIN: Organize people to write letters and make calls to their congressmen, to the president, to the governor. Flood their doggone offices with requests to do something. This is ridiculous.
I don't want to see anybody do anymore goddamn press conferences. Put a moratorium on press conferences. Don't do another press conference until the resources are in this city. And then come down to this city and stand with us when there are military trucks and troops that we can't even count.
Don't tell me 40,000 people are coming here. They're not here. It's too doggone late. Now get off your asses and do something, and let's fix the biggest goddamn crisis in the history of this country.
WWL: I'll say it right now, you're the only politician that's called and called for arms like this. And if -- whatever it takes, the governor, president -- whatever law precedent it takes, whatever it takes, I bet that the people listening to you are on your side.
NAGIN: Well, I hope so, Garland. I am just -- I'm at the point now where it don't matter. People are dying. They don't have homes. They don't have jobs. The city of New Orleans will never be the same in this time.
WWL: We're both pretty speechless here.
NAGIN: Yeah, I don't know what to say. I got to go.
WWL: OK. Keep in touch. Keep in touch.